The Hair-Pulling Problem

Excerpts from the book, The Hair-Pulling Problem; A Complete Guide to Trichotillomania

"The reason a hair puller would experience pleasure from something that would cause the average person pain, is because the intensity of the sensation is also able to provide an intense level of relief when the sufferer is understimulated. On the other hand, if an individual is overstimulated, the act of pulling and the intensity of the sensation that it provides can be so absorbing and distracting that it enables them to focus upon it very tightly, shutting everything else out, and bringing on the almost trancelike and self-absorbed state associated with automatic pulling."


"Many of those with TTM need intensive help in retraining themselves, both in terms of behavior and their outlook on life. No one with TTM prefers to do what he or she is doing, no matter how pleasurable it may seem to feel as they do it. Obviously, if they could stop, they would. Those do not have TTM or some other body-focused disorder cannot fully understand the anxiety and desperation that follows the powerful urges and repetitive self-destructive behaviors that are at times so compelling. Some sufferers have described it as feeling like being possessed, or as if their hands were not their own.
 
I believe that one major mistake non-sufferers make is that they somehow look upon disorders such as TTM as merely being some annoying problem habits, similar to smoking or overeating (actually also very difficult habits to break). People with TTM are seen as having poor self-control and lacking a will to resist--people who simply give in to themselves. Hair-pulling is not just a bad habit or temptation to be kicked. It is a biological and behavioral override of a person's ability to control his or her own physical actions. You cannot throw a hair pulling problem away the way you would your pack of cigarettes, and go cold turkey. It is a result of the way your nervous system operates, and may well be genetic. It has become part of your mental and physical life. When people ask me how you can differentiate TTM symptoms from other types of grooming habits, I tell them, "If you feel as if the problem has a mind of its own, it's TTM."

This is not to say that sufferers are not responsible for themselves. They are at all times. Even though the problem most likely has a biological/genetic basis, you can fight back and be responsible for finding effective therapy and following through with it. A person in the midst of hair pulling problems simply cannot just stop, and to expect them to do so is unrealistic. Stopping is the final product of a persistent effort over time, the result of changing behavior, environment, biochemistry, and thinking. It is not a place to start, but a goal, a destination."


"[Cognitive] therapy, briefly, is based upon the theory that emotional disturbance is caused by extreme and illogical beliefs and ways of distorted reasoning, which make up an individual's own outlook and philosophy of how life ought to be for themselves and others. It further suggests that we human beings have a tendency to think illogically. These beliefs can often be deeply held for most of a person's life, and come to mind almost automatically. They can be acquired during one's early years, from one's family, one's later experiences, or may be shaped and influenced by an illness itself. Cognitive therapy essentially teaches us that people and things don't upset us, we upset and disturb ourselves as a result of the erroneous views we take of them. Much disturbance comes from beliefs that we ought to be able to control people and situations in order to control ourselves, when in fact the only thing ultimately under our control is our own thinking and our own behavior.

Cognitive therapy can't teach you how to get everything you want from life, but it can help you take the chances necessary to maximize what you are able to get, while helping you to accept what you cannot. It can also be quite helpful in other ways as well. Along with learning to take responsibility for your own emotions, learning to think and reason logically are the keys coping with everyday life in a world that often seems anxiety-provoking, frustrating and disappointing. As unwanted as anxiety, frustration and disappointment may be, they can be tolerated and lived with."

I am literally trembling as I try to begin writing. I created this blog at turn of the new year, deciding it would be a new year's resolution. My mind is constantly racing, and at times I find myself narrating in my head, "writing" what should have blog entries. 

I haven't talked to my father since the day after Christmas. I spent the following couple of months in a constant panic, thinking about what would happen if someone from that side of the family tried to contact me. Guess what? They haven't! While I know this is a good thing, it still really bothers me. My cousin wrote on my facebook wall a few weeks ago, saying "we missed you at nana's party!" Obviously, I was not invited to this party.  

It bothers me most not knowing what my family thinks happened, since they don't really know anything at all. My father had been emotionally abusing me throughout my childhood. He had anger towards mother that he refused to let go of, and instead took it out on me. To give you a brief history of their relationship, my father was my mother's softball coach in high school. She got pregnant at 18- my dad was 32! They married, had me, then soon divorced while I was still a baby. My mom was granted custody, and my dad was allowed to take me a couple times a week and every other weekend. He was also ordered to pay my mom child support every other week.  

One of my earliest memories is of my father calling my mother a witch. I wish I could say this only happened once.

My father was constantly prodding me for information about my mother's life. He hated her, and made sure that everyone else would too. He always told me stories about how hard he fought for more time with me, and how she was a witch for taking me away.

My father, instead of giving the child support check directly to my mom, chose to send it through me instead. Handing me the check, he'd say, "give this check to your motherr." He'd say it in the same nasty tone every time. He'd remind me twice, saying I'd better not forget because I know how "she"gets. Cringe.
 



He'd also often ask me if my mother gave me any money, say, if I were going on a vacation or something.  He'd grumble and complain if the answer was no, and he'd give me some money, which he would have done anyway. If I went shopping for new clothes with my mom, he'd ask what she got me, then when I responded, he'd snap back, "don't you mean you father got you those things?" He'd then go on a rampage about all the money he gives her and how none of it goes to me.


This is coming from a middle aged man who is still living under his mother's roof.

I can remember one time, when my dad was bringing me home, he saw my mom's boyfriend Paul in the backyard. He was furiously making comments and said that Paul was gonna run and hide in his doghouse, or something like that. I know this happened before I was six years old, because I was still living at my grandmother's.

I have never had more respect for my mother than I do now.  As far as I can tell, my mother busted her ass to raise me, and I know she did a great job.

When lecturing me about whatever he was angry about, my dad's favorite thing to throw in was,"let's just hope you end up with some of my good qualities, since we all know your mother doesn't have any!"






I am ready to let go of the past. I am ready to move on. I don't want these memories playing in my head anymore. I need to stop worrying.

To Be Continued...

The Start of a New Year

"Most people can look back over the years and identify a time and place at which their lives changed significantly. Whether by accident or design, these are the moments when, because of a readiness within us and a collaboration with events occurring around us, we are forced to seriously reappraise ourselves and the conditions under which we live and to make certain choices that will affect the rest of our lives." -Frederick F. Flack

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